Warning: Injurious to health…

 

I have an uncanny knack of remembering most portions of a badly made movie over and above the good, rare ones. The finer details of badly made movies stays etched in the memory long after the trauma has ceased. It grows like a malignant tumor and reaches bursting point a long time after wasting two precious hours of one’s life. I fail to comprehend what really goes into the thinking prowess of the makers of such movies. The Producer for these films must be the biggest Goofy in town for getting his foot into such ventures. One wonders if these chaps even read the scripts before financing movies or they are probably happier playing the casting couch game and the money hardly matters. God alone knows what the reasons are, but producing pathetic movies is a regular phenomenon for many hapless Producers. Many limply claim that bad movies are made for tax reasons. If this is the reason why movies are badly made, then almost every other movie is being made for exactly the same frivolous excuse and it is not the fault of any one from the cast and crew why the movie is not watchable? We need better excuses than this. Yes, not every movie has a predetermined fate, but pathetic movies can be very well-recognized as being so at the outset by every Laloo. I obviously do not blame those who made movies with a serious intent and met a comical fate at the box offices but vent my frustrations at those who had the opposite intent.Why subject us hapless audience to two hours of torture!What can one do with Directors who are out to kill us with their movies? We can only but pray that they have a bout of amnesia or Alzheimer’s and spare us from witnessing their work of art.

I recall the movie Tashan rather vividly. This movie gave me a splitting headache within fifteen minutes of watching it. I remember an incredible amount of clanging and wrangling that never ceased. My head started throbbing a bit by the time the first ten minutes were up and within the hour I had contracted a severe migraine. in between my hazy vision I recall Karina and Saif acting in the most nonsensical manner and dancing in an aghast fashion. Karina’s costumes were so skimpy that at the outset the movie did appear to have been made on a prudent budget but the exotic locales made it look otherwise. There was no semblance of logic to the story, but maybe the expectation was a wee bit too much since it was under the Yash Raj banner? I wish I had read Rajeev Masand’s opinion on this movie before subjecting myself to its torture. He had aptly described the film as “…a road movie…that is going in all the wrong directions.”

But what well and truly baffled the living daylights out of me was the Rani Mukherjee starrer ” Dil bole hadipaa”. An incredible feat was achieved in showcasing the Indian desi woman as an able cricketer in the guise of a la Harbhajan looking batsman. This movie was the epitome of well and truly stretching the imagination to the hilt, for how much ever the imagination stretched in this movie that much Rani’s costumes failed to stretch in the peppy numbers. Rani appearing incognito was as incredulous as the plot by itself and Shaheed’s silly deftness in not seeing “through” the woman in disguise was quite nauseating. Boy, an absolute ploy that operated under reductio ad absurdum logic and ensured that the IQ was hastily reduced to negativity zone.

In comparison to some, David Dhawan appears like a God in the true sense. The good old Govinda-Karisma, Govinda-Raveena did tickle the funny bone and provided it’s share of entertainment. I happened to watch a bit of ” Golmaal Returns” today on Star Plus. A movie that was painfully pathetic and failed to make my laughter lines stretch. Many more in the last year impacted us quite profoundly for all the wrong reasons. Some of these have an average market on the net as people prefer not to waste precious money catching these movies at the theatre and they watch it on their computers or buy pirated DVDs. Another reason why such movies must not be encouraged, as they are directly responsible for increased piracy besides other side effects. But, the all important wastage is that of time.

Ex Health Minister Anbumani Ramdoss fought tooth and nail to stop the usage of tobacco in movies so has not to woo the younger generation in imitating their favorite stars and becoming tobaccoholics. An ambitious agenda that met a lot of resistance from the film industry.Stars like SRK who chug away like non stop puffing Billys in their ordinary course of life anyway come across as an iconic role model to the “youth” irrespective of whether they smoke in movies or not. If Khan can, any one can. What the minister should have done for the mental sanity of this community was to have banned making movies that decimate the grey cells. Loud movies like “Tashan” can cause grievous injuries to our central nervous systems, movies like ” Chandni chowk to China” can nail the coffin in the head.Tonight I plan to watch Mani Ratnam’s ” Nayakkan”, a reliable prescription I badly recommend to anyone who has been recently traumatized. I have taken this dosage umpteen times over. It works. It instills confidence that for every hundred nitwits, there is one genius, a god sent reprieve.

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9 Responses to “Warning: Injurious to health…”

  1. SO you almost posted along with Amit uncle today………

    I didn’t understand why only these movies lead to increase in piracy……..don’t other movies that are successful face this issue…

    I never watch any movie until I am reckoned to by someone to do so……and hence I avoid those migraines………:P

  2. Salman – All movies do lead to piracy Salman, this is another reason for it though, Just venting my frustrations here I guess..you have been wise in your choices all along then.

  3. Lakshmi Jag Says:

    Sharmila….I totally agree with you. Tashaan was the first movie that I walked out in the middle, and I was tempted to do the same for Varudu, the latest Telugu movie that falls into the same category.

  4. I feel so lucky and saved being No Hindi/Indian moviegoer. Movies have lost their Title of No.1 medium of Entertainment. Most of the films are useless piece of junk or a projection of some jerk’s whims.sorry for such a strong expression but i couldn’t find a better appropriate word for it. so bear with my inarticulate expression.
    Hollywood films are not far behind either and losing its charm too. very few are worth watching or fall into must watch category.

  5. […] Read the rest from HERE […]

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